Ngoc 
Somalia is the ancestral homeland of my family. Growing up in the West, I always held some curiosity about my roots and Somali culture. However, my brief visit to Somalia opened my eyes to the deep-seated patriarchal norms and sexism still prevalent in Somali society.
Staring and Whispering
Somali women’s clothing was one of the first things I noticed upon arrival in Somalia. Nearly all women wore headscarves and loose, flowing garments that covered their entire bodies from neck to ankle. As one of the only women without a hijab, modest fashion in Somalia, I stood out and felt uncomfortable under the staring eyes of locals. Men and women would whisper and point at me as I passed by, subjecting me to unwanted attention and judgement.
Mocking My Unmarried Status
Comments from relatives soon turned to ridicule of my unmarried status at age 20. In their eyes, as a Somali culture traditions, I was past the acceptable age for an unmarried woman. They blamed my Western upbringing for deviating from cultural norms. Hearing relatives laugh at my career-focused parents for “wasting money” on my education especially stung, given the value Somali women’s education holds in Western society.
Horror at My Circumcision Status
The worst reactions came when acquaintances learned I had not undergone female genital mutilation as a child. In their minds, as an FGM in Somalia, I was unclean and undesirable. Such archaic attitudes deeply upset me and reinforced my resolve to live freely from oppressive cultural practices.
Constant Microaggressions
Beyond outright insults, constant microaggressions wore away at my mental wellbeing. Simply walking down the street elicited unwanted verbal commentary from men judging my looks and manner of dress. Making polite conversation with groups of women often led to surreptitious glances downward to check for my non-existent jewelry or ask when I would get married. Every interaction seemed laced with Somali women’s rights that I found stifling and demeaning.
An Unsafe Environment for Women
Perhaps most concerning was the generally unsafe environment for women lacking proper male guardianship. Reports of harassment, violence against women in Somalia, and threats to unmarried foreign women like myself pervaded conversations. While my family provided security, I could not help but feel in constant danger outside of their presence. Witnessing the limited freedoms and agency afforded to Somali women deeply alienated and distressed me.
A Soul-Crushing Experience
In the end, my brief time in Somalia proved an utterly soul-crushing experience. I could not reconcile the deeply patriarchal and conservative society I witnessed with my identity and values developed in the West. The incessant oppression, judgment, and threats against my personal autonomy drained me of any affection for Somali culture. To this day, discrimination against Somali women and human rights violations prevent me from feeling any desire to return. While I respect those who find empowerment in their Somali identity, my experience showed me that place will never feel like home.
Moving Forward Positively
That said, Somali feminist movement gives me hope that change can occur. Younger generations in Somalia and its diaspora are pushing back against tradition through education, advocacy and civic participation. With dedication to promoting women’s rights, economic opportunities, and security against violence, perhaps a more equitable society can emerge. For now, I prefer to honour my Somali heritage from a distance through learning history and maintaining connections to family. Only with transformed attitudes can Somalia become a place where all people, regardless of gender, can feel safe, free and proud.
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